Driving Me Crazy

Driving in Houston–A Crash Course in Chaos by Lynn Ashby

It was famed racing driver and Houstonian A.J. Foyt who once observed, “I feel safer on a racetrack than I do on Houston’s freeways.” He should know, because Foyt got paid to win the Indianapolis 500 four times while you and I actually have to pay for the privilege of risking our lives on Houston’s roads. Remember several years ago when Houston police were pulled off of patrolling our freeways because it was too dangerous? That was rather unnerving.

As we sit in gridlock, listening on the radio to some semi–literate, thumb–sucker explaining why Obama is a vegetarian cannibal, let’s look at where we are in terms of driving in Houston. For openers, yes, we have traffic. There are more vehicles in Harris County than there are people in Houston; more vehicles than there are in 26 states. In 2010, we had 3,372,647 motor vehicles registered in this county, an increase of 434,272 from 2005. That means that every single day last year when you backed out of your driveway, seven days a week, there were almost 1,190 more cars on the road than there were in 2005. No wonder we can’t find a parking place in the Galleria.

Today, according to the Texas Transportation Institute, Houston drivers spend an average of 58 hours each year stuck in traffic, costing each person $1,322 annually.  (Dallas drivers spend 48 hours a year in traffic, costing $1,077.) What’s more, it takes longer to get there. The average rush hour speed on our freeways is 40.3 miles an hour, down from 48.3 in 1982 and 44 in 2003. Multiply Houston’s wasted time and money by our number of vehicles and there is no question why we have road rage, dirty air and big gas bills.

In addition, demographers predict that the Houston area will grow by 2 million more people in the next 20 years. If you think we’ve got traffic jams now, wait awhile.

Not to get bogged down in statistics, but some of these figures may explain your blood pressure. In the 10–county Houston Metropolitan Statistical Area (MSA), last year we traveled 139,283,043 miles every day. If you are the average motorist in this MSA, you drive just under 30 (29.9) miles per day. At almost $4 a gallon, go figure. Houston leads the nation in HOV lanes with 103 miles.

Harris County contains 1,835 miles of freeways and toll roads. It could have been more. At one point the Harris County Toll Road Authority considered running a toll road right through Memorial Park. When the authority didn’t think up its own stupid ideas, it received some from Washington. In 2003, the Government Accounting Office, or GAO, studied toll roads and recommended that our authority increase the tolls during rush hours. The report said this plan would keep more people off the toll roads.

Huh? Isn’t the whole point of our very expensive toll road system to put people on those roads and take them off  our city streets? The GAO report did point out a few negatives of increased rush–hour tolls including, “little system–wide reduction in travel times” and “increased gridlock on some alternate routes.” Our tax dollars at work.

As you drive around town, does it seem you have to stop and start a lot? You do, because we have – count ‘em – 2,600 traffic signals and another 1,660 yellow flashing signs at school crossings within the city. That’s a lot of signs, so we have 68 workers going around town inspecting all these electronic gadgets. They have a 27–point check list which they go through with each device twice a year. Most other cities only do it annually, and some other Texas cities are coming here to see how we do it.

Still, we don’t have to use our roads. We can always take our extensive subway system. Oh, that’s right. Unlike most large cities in the world, Houston has had no mass transit since the mule died. I blame our backwardness here in Space City on the three amigos: Bob Lanier, Tom DeLay and John Culberson. Singlehandedly (triplehandedly?), they prevented Houston from getting any kind of mass tracked transit, while Dallas was eating our lunch – and our tax dollars.

They led the fight against any sane transportation system, and often took steps by themselves to defeat good projects. Let’s start with Lanier. He was head of Metro and was against light rail. Then–Mayor Kathy Whitmire favored some sort of rail system (including an elevated monorail which never got off the ground, so to speak).

Lanier, being a wealthy and powerful person, simply ran for mayor against Whitmire, won, and scrapped any move towards rail. More than that, he destroyed all plans to build a significant light rail system in Houston for years to come by taking an enormous amount of Metro money, which had been set aside for rail, and spending it on everything from curbs to cops. The funds siphoned from Metro were a nice addition to the city’s coffers, but his immediate feel–good plan was a disaster for Houston’s long range transportation needs.

Tom DeLay is another case. He consistently and aggressively fought Houston’s receiving any federal funds for light rail. He took away $45 million in federal transportation grants that were earmarked for the Houston area and immediately gave the money to Dallas. Because of DeLay, Houston was the only city in the nation specifically banned by federal law from receiving federal funds for rail transit. Come to think of it, whatever happened to Tom DeLay?

This brings us to John Culberson. He took over the safe, west Houston, solid GOP Congressional district from Bill Archer (who had held the post for 30 years until he retired, to give you an idea of how safe the seat is). Even though Culberson was a veteran state representative, he faced a lot of opponents in the Republican primary. He ran, and won, mostly on a platform of widening the Katy Freeway.
The freeway was vastly widened, creating more concrete, more flooding, more noise, more air pollution and, of course, more traffic. There is probably a Parkinson’s Law of Transportation: traffic will expand to meet the lanes available. A year or so ago, Culberson wrote a letter to the Chronicle calling for a rail line out to the Katy Freeway. Outraged letters to the editor showed elephants—and donkeys—never forget.

Rail transit to the center of Houston is older than most of Houston. If you look at an old map you will see that railroad lines came into Houston like spokes on a wheel. Virtually every one of our freeways parallel, or are built on top of, rail lines. Indeed, the city motto was: “Where 17 railroads meet the sea.” That must have been one hell of a splash. Even today our city seal shows a locomotive, and, with great foresight, black soot is belching out of its smokestack. A few years ago, while most large cities were building new tracks, we ripped up those alongside the Katy Freeway to expand the concrete. Dumb!

Amidst all this gloom and doom, let us remember that Houston has some beautiful sights while motoring. Have you ever come into our town on a freeway at sunset when the air is clean (Wednesdays) and the sun’s rays reflect off our magnificent skyline? Depending on construction, high–speed police chases and ICE roadblocks, you can spot gorgeous views coming up the Gulf Freeway, on the Pearce Elevated, on the Katy going from the loop to downtown and other spots. No doubt the same can be said for sunrises, but noon is my dawn.

Another great sight is going through the Galleria (bumper to bumper) at Christmas time, looking at all the buildings festooned with lights and haloes on top. One time I forgot the day, and came upon a Go Texan trail ride. Suddenly, I rounded the corner and there were a hundred horses, cowboys/girls, wagons, flags, everyone waving and laughing. Now you just don’t see that in Detroit. We also have some delightful streets. North and South Boulevard, with those huge trees, spring to mind. Athletic coaches at Rice actually point to the beautiful campus as a selling point for potential Owls.

Don’t laugh, but auto accidents in Houston are declining, and experts credit the lousy economy – with high unemployment, fewer workers drive to work – and higher gas prices. Also, the drought helped, with dry streets. In terms of numbers, 23,432 auto accidents were recorded in Houston from the middle of last November to the middle of April of this year. That’s a drop of 13 percent from the 26,662 crashes that were reported between mid–June and Nov. 14 of last year. However, fatal traffic accidents in Houston have remained steady during the last three years. Last year, 216 people died in Houston auto crashes, compared to the 207 killed in 2009 and 217 dead in 2008.

AGGGGGG!!! I am driving through an intersection and a car comes whizzing from the side, runs a red light and almost slams into me. Alas, our red light districts were shut down by a public vote. It rather boggles the mind that our friends and neighbors would vote to unplug the already installed cameras at 50 of our more deadly intersections. Do they like to get themselves and my grandchildren crushed to death by speeding, law–breaking idiots?

Opponents to the cameras said the devices were only money–making operations for the city. It is unclear how they feel about parking meters, zoo tickets and parade permits, and those expenses don’t even save lives. By shutting down the cameras, the city lost between $10 and $14 million in revenue a year and had to—guess what?—order lay–offs in the HPD. But, just as our overall accident rate has declined, so have wrecks where the cameras were unplugged. Following the five months after cameras were turned off (they are still in place) those monitored intersections had 362 accidents—a 16 percent drop from the previous five months. Cops credit the drought and more police traffic enforcement.

This trend of less driving is also reflected in the city’s SAFEClear program in which the city of Houston pays tow trucks to assist stranded motorists on freeways. The towing used to be free. Now a cash–starved city is planning to charge $50 per tow. If you are stopped dead, or wrecked, in the middle lane of the Southwest Freeway at 5 p.m. on a rainy weekday, $50 is worth every penny. Even more if it’s 3 a.m.

So welcome to Houston, where road rage is all the rage. Just consider our fellow drivers around town, some of whose cars need training wheels: No one is allowed to use a turn signal. Stop signs are for wussies. That’s not a Mercedes hood ornament, but crosshairs for the nose gunner. Even baby buggies in Houston have roll bars. Avoid any cars that have notches on their bumpers, stickers reading: “I’d Rather Be T–Boning” or has a personalized license plate: “DWI.” As for our city motto, forget “Where 17 railroads meet the sea.” It should be: “Where two cars meet each other—constantly.”

I just roared passed A.J. Foyt on the South Loop. He looked scared.

Matt Schaub

On and Off the Gridiron: Matt Schaub is Making a Difference by Keith Calkins

Our long, sweltering, summer has been drenched in NFL strike–inspired inactivity. But the Houston Texan’s quarterback was anything but idle and focused much of his summer on giving. The people who know Matt and Laurie Schaub were not surprised.

Schaub has already given Houston football fans all they could have expected and much more. The unproven, little used, back–up QB acquired from Atlanta four years ago is now the face of the Texans’ franchise–committed, confident and professional.

Schaub’s quarterbacking dates back to his childhood on the outskirts of Philadelphia in West Chester, PA.  Even then, he displayed great skill, poise, smarts, dedication and talent. In 2009, he guided the Texans to their first-ever winning season. He threw for 4,770 passing yards, the best passing record in the league for the year and the sixth highest total in NFL history. His efforts won him a trip to the Pro Bowl where he was named MVP. In 2010, he added 4,370 more yards, placing him among only 18 quarterbacks in NFL history with multiple, 4,000-yard passing seasons. Of those 18, only five have ever thrown for more than 4,300 yards in consecutive seasons. And only a hand full have executed with Schaub’s lethal combination of high quarterback efficiency rating and low interception turnover.

His on the field leadership is mirrored in Gr8 Hope, the foundation he and his wife, Laurie, started. “We’ve done a lot of things with different organizations and different charities, but Laurie and I really wanted to start our own foundation,” Schaub says.  “We had an idea on a name a few years ago, but we didn’t know what direction we wanted to go.”

The foundation’s name is an obvious spin on the number eight, Schaub’s jersey number. And the direction is now crystal clear–bring healing to children with medical needs. “After going to Texas Children’s Hospital and visiting and spending quality time with these kids you just realize how they can influence your life,” Schaub says. “When we had our daughter (Madison) last year it just hit us between the eyes that this is where we wanted to go and there’s no looking back.”

Matt and Laurie were immediately taken, if not overwhelmed, with Texas Children’s Child Life department and its goal of normalcy for children battling to live one more day. After meeting families, doctors and specialists, they knew their foundation should support the department’s efforts. “It was kind of a no–brainer to help kids out,” Laurie says.  “We have one little one and two on the way, so that just solidified where our hearts were—to make a difference for children.”

This summer the Schaubs organized and spearheaded a weekend fundraising gala and golf get–together. They raised  $108,000 for Texas Children’s new West Campus.  The dollars will be used to equip and furnish a Child Life Playroom on the third floor of West Campus, Houston’s first community hospital designed, built and equipped exclusively for children. “I hope it creates smiles and a sense of promise for them,” Matt says. “When you have play, you forget about all the treatments you’re undergoing.  It helps you be a kid again. And we want that for those children.”

The children come to Houston from all corners of the country. They are in dire need of healing and recovery as they fight debilitating and life–threatening diseases, along with the stress and psychological effects brought about by their conditions.  Once here, in the Child Life Playroom, they can simply forget, if only momentarily, why they’re in a hospital.

On the field, the single gauge that matters most to Schaub is winning. After 54 Texan starts, his record is a pedestrian 25-29. And last year was a shipwreck: 10 losses. Each and every week, the team seemed to create new and excruciatingly painful ways to lose.

For full and lasting effect, Schaub chose to relive the wretched details throughout his off–season; better to assure history never repeats. “Every day I thought about them,” Schaub says.  “I sat (at home) and watched some of the copies I had from television and just rehashed those thoughts and was just chomping at the bit to get back to work.” His work was delayed by the NFL strike.

In the midst of the labor unrest, Schaub consistently gave his teammates structure by orchestrating make–shift, group workouts, including a mini–camp of sorts, for 35 teammates at Rice Stadium. He barked instructions in the midst of blazing, 100 degree temps, beating down on the artificial turf just as if he were leading the teams regularly scheduled, off–season drills at Reliant Park.

Honing skills, maintaining focus and conditioning were benefits, but the true goals were team–building, bonding and camaraderie. And, for comic relief, the simulated practices even included Schaub as a pass grabber. “It’s more or less just fill in the bodies for the defense,” Schaub said during a break in the mid–June sweat shop. “So they know where receivers are. It just so happens they don’t cover because they don’t respect me out there. So I get a few catches.” But don’t expect that in real games. “It’s not part of my repertoire,” he says.

Schaub fully understands this season is an opportunity for the Texans to finally crash the NFL playoff party for the first time in franchise history. He has his most balanced offensive team ever with tight-end Owen Daniels and all-world, wide–out Andre Johnson healthy again.  And Arian Foster is ready to repeat his performance from last year—2,200 total offensive yards and 18 touchdowns.

This next Texans’ outfit is stacked with more talent and experience than ever before, on offense and defense. The Texans clearly take their lead from Schaub like never before.

“I’m coming on my fifth year here,” Schaub says. “So with each year you get a little bit more of that.” His leadership goal is clear—making it to the playoffs.

Schaub has high hopes for this season; however, he readily admits, professional success cannot replace the satisfaction he enjoys through the kids he meets with Gr8 Hope. “They are the most positive and inspirational people out there,” he says.

The mission of GR8 HOPE Foundation is to provide resources and support to promote lasting improvements and bring healing to children with medical needs, hope for our future generations, and happiness to the children and their families enduring medical challenges. To make a donation go to www.gr8hopefoundation.com.

A Product of Texas

Texas Native & Internationally Recognized Beauty by Sue-Ella Mueller

Without a doubt, some of the best looking people in Hollywood are from Texas. Matthew McConaughey, Renne Zellweger, Eva Longoria, Dennis Quaid, Jennifer Garner, Hope Dworaczyk. What? You haven’t heard of Hope Dworaczyk? Well, you obviously didn’t watch last season’s Celebrity Apprentice or the tall, lithesome beauty would be indelibly imprinted on your brain. But have no fear, even if you don’t know Hope, you soon will.

The 26-year old, Port Lavaca native began making tiny waves in the fame pool when she earned the title of Miss Teen Texas at age 16 in her first attempt in the pageant world since her toddler years. The title came with a modeling agency contract that soon had her finishing up her education early at Hope High School in order to head out on her own to New York City.

“I’m very fortunate to have such supportive parents. I’m not sure if I had a daughter, that I’d let her go,” says Dworaczyk (pronounced dor-ah-sic; ‘like Jurrassic with a D,’ she says). “But I think it was hard for my parents to say no to me when I was getting these great offers to start my career.”

With her 5’10 stature and natural beauty, not to mention the number of hours she spent perfecting her walk under the tutelage of a walking coach, it wasn’t long before Dworaczyk caught the attention of fashion designers from across the globe. Her modeling career skyrocketed as she stepped onto international runways in places such as Paris and Milan for names like Versace, Balenciaga, Lana Fuchs and Robert Rodriguez. A daunting task for most young girls, but the tall Texan says she approached it just as she has many things in life: head on.

“I tend to not think about things like that (being nervous),” she says. “With most big moments, I just take a deep breath and tell myself, okay, here we go.”

It may have been just that attitude that gave her the self confidence to pose for Playboy magazine in 2009; well, that and a nod of approval from Grandma.

“I was working out in the same gym as Holly Madison (one of Hugh Hefner’s former girlfriends), when she came up to me and a friend of mine and asked if we would be interested in doing a test shoot for Playboy. We just did some Polaroid-type shots,” says Dworaczyk. “Then I got a call saying they wanted me to fly out to L.A. for a real test shoot. I was nervous about telling my parents, but I got my grandma on the phone and she said, ‘If I was your age, I would go for it.’ So that’s what I did.”

Oddly enough, Dworaczyk had entertained the idea of posing for the magazine eight years earlier. “A good friend and I had come across her boyfriend’s Playboy magazine and had a big discussion on whether or not we would ever pose (for the magazine). It’s kind of funny, because at that point, I was too skinny. Playboy would’ve never asked me to do it. Anyway, we made a pact that, if we ever got the opportunity, we would do it,” Dworaczyk says. “I took that same friend with me when I did the shoot. Her being there when I shot it was special.”

Dworaczyk became the April 2009 Playmate of the Month and was featured on the front cover with actor/comedian Seth Grogan. Her photos were so popular among readers that she was later named 2010 Playmate of the Year and again graced the cover. When asked if she plans to pose again, Dworaczyk sounds a bit unsure.

“It was a great experience for me and I’m glad I did it. When I’m my grandmother’s age, I know I won’t regret it. I want to experience everything, but now that I’ve done that, I’m ready to move on,” she says.

And moving on is exactly what the beauty has done. For the past three years, Dworaczyk has been producing the Canadian television show Inside Fashion for E! Channel. She was also hand-chosen by Donald Trump himself to take part in the 2011 spring season of Celebrity Apprentice where she was able to make it to the ninth week. Before being “fired” however, she was able to earn $20,000 for her charity of choice, Best Buddies International and, equally as important, Dworaczyk made good with the opportunity to prove she was more than just a pretty face.

“Celebrity Apprentice was one of the toughest jobs I’ve ever had,” admits Dworaczyk. “We were working 16-17 hours a day, from make up in the morning to shooting late into the evening. It was great exposure for me and, overall, a great experience, but I wouldn’t do it again. It’s a one time thing.”

With the television time under her belt, Dworaczyk now has hopes of doing a bit more acting. “I’ve started taking (acting) classes and I’m working on a couple projects now. I recently went on my third call back for a movie; I should find out soon if I get the part. I’m currently doing an animated show where my character has an alter ego that no one knows about. It’s been so much fun,” she says. “And, I’ve also got plans for a makeover show that will involve people who have had to deal with real hard ships. We are bringing in life coaches and will be changing people’s lives.”

As if that wasn’t all enough, the model/producer/actor has been asked to create an exclusive line of jewelry for the designer Sam Lehr. “There will be six pieces in all and we’ll be using precious stones,” says Dworaczyk. Once completed, the jewelry will be sold at Neiman Marcus and Saks.

With so much going on, you might think the California resident would have trouble making it back to the Lone Star State. But her close-knit family did manage to bring her back this summer. “When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to leave. Now, I love going back. I think if I hadn’t gotten to travel to other places, I might not appreciate how great Texas is,” she says. “In L.A. or New York, if you’re walking out of a coffee shop, people aren’t normally going to stop, wait and hold the door open for you. People are just busy. But in Texas, they’ll wait while you make your way to the door and they’ll even take the time to exchange a few words or a smile with you. It’s not like that anywhere else.”

Down home hospitality is not just something Dworaczyk admires, it’s also something she tries to live by herself. “People comment all the time about how friendly I am,” she says. “I tell them that’s because I’m a product of Texas.”

Photo credit: Brie Childers Photography

Tailgating

A junkie’s paradise of football, friends, and food. by Rick McMillen

Let me be perfectly honest right up front—I love football,  it matters not if it is high school, college or pro. I love the fall cool air that begins to return replacing the blistering summer heat. I love cheerleaders. (Yes, Dear, I’m sure that is no surprise to you. I know you figured out long ago that our seats near the field weren’t just to see the players better.) And, let’s get this straight, I am a Texans fan, through and through. Sure, I get upset with them, but when I last checked it’s healthier to allow your emotions to vent, helping to rid your body from the fat infused into so many great, tailgating foods. This leads me right into my favorite thing that football brings—TAILGATING! This wonderful, weekly fan fest lets you tip a beer back with a stranger parked in the next slot and he soon becomes one of your best buddies by the time you pull your last sip on the bottle, all because you have one common denominator­—the love of the home team. Now the beer, the football and the new friends are great, but the serious part of tailgating is the FOOD (the all capped words should be yelled out very loud, to the point of scaring the dog).

Is there any better way to start off a perfect weekend of pure football than to devour a scrumptious, baby back rib, generously coated with a beer infused sauce, a serious helping of chili powder, jalapeño and garlic, that has been slowly smoking for three plus hours while surrounded with your best friends all dressed to kill wearing team colors and helmets. Sometimes it’s hard to eat that way, but let me tell you, it does taste better. It’s important to yell your passions very, very loud. I can’t always do so at home, the neighbors already think I’m strange. While all of this is happening, you must maintain your position near the keg of beer making it simple to easily refill so you can be ready for the feast of chicken poppers, chili baked beans and the red pepper corn bread just waiting to be charged with queso (that’s how I like mine). The beauty here is that I typically do not eat Thursday or Friday with only a lite, lite meal during the college games on Saturday so I can be ready to be the One and Only True Tailgating Food Junkie of All Time!
If you don’t like this go to the museum, we have a ton of them, sip your chardonnay and leave me with my friends, football and food. But, ya gotta love it; this is the most American icon event ever!

On the following pages you will find many recipes designed to help make your tailgating experience the very best. Granted, we all have our favorites. However, the primary bases are well covered, the barbecue meats, incredible beans, fantastic sandwiches, creamy pastas along with the hard core stand by of potato salads, chips and dips. And, let’s make the wife happy, I have included a recipe for a fruity Sangria wine that will keep her and her friends near that pitcher allowing me and my friends to properly dissect the game and make the critical coaching decisions long before kick-off.

Okay, everyone ready? I’m now off to get a new Texan’s jersey—JJ Watt’s. After all, he is destined to be the rookie of the year in the NFL and I look like him—a big, solid, mass of muscles (want to buy a bridge?). Plus, I’ve also got to find my football. I think my wife hid it. She thinks my friends and I will hurt ourselves running fly patterns in the parking lot. Can you think of a more honorable time to get an injury requiring stitches? That’s a war wound to wear with pride the entire next week, silly girl!

So, GO TEXANS! Let’s grill up a few QB’s from the opposing teams on our pits at the end of the game (football always brings out my inner barbarian)!

Rick, the Terrible Texan, number 69 in your tailgating program, but number one in your heart and stomach!

Quarterback – Queso & Chips

Name one wild and crazy Texan fanatic who does not frequently crave QUESO? The appetizer gods knew milleniums back that when football was discovered, chips and queso would be the hit of the party. If you fail to serve this one, your loyal buds will be checking out other tailgaters.

YIELD Serves 10-12
PREP TIME 20 minutes
COOKING TIME 30 minutes

1     Pound Velveeta cheese
1     Pound cream cheese
1     Jar of your favorite picante sauce, 16 ounces
1     Pound seasoned meat – sausage preferred
1     Cup fresh cilantro, rough chopped
1     Cup of white onion,  diced
2     Bags of your favorite dipping chips

Preparation: Queso
Place both cheeses into a crock pot (great for easy transportation to the game) gradually stirring to blend. While cheese is melting prepare, your meat. I prefer to use spicy Italian sausage, removing the meat from the skin and browning over medium-high heat until brown. Once meat is done, add it, along with the onion, to the cheeses and allow them to incorporate for another 20 minutes on medium heat. Right before serving, add the cilantro and blend well.

IMPORTANT: You can control the spiciness of this dish by the heat level of the salsa you select!

Playoff Bound – Bacon Wrapped Filets

OK, time to splurge and open up the wallet. When the Texans finally make the playoffs the perfect food to celebrate with is Juicy Filets wrapped with Bacon. This simple and easy favorite will have everyone praying for another win. The only problem will be what do you serve if the Texans make the Super Bowl?

YIELD Serves 8
PREP TIME 15 minutes
COOKING TIME Preference of guests

8    6 ounce filets
8    strips of bacon
salt pepper available for tailgaters

Preparation: Bacon Wrapped Filets
Wrap each, individual filet with one strip of bacon. Insert a toothpick to hold the bacon in place. Place into a freezer bag and into the fridge over night. Prepare the grill at the party with hot-white-coals and place the filets over direct heat. Cook as requested by guests: 4-5 minutes each side for medium-rare, adding an additional 2-3 minutes per side  for medium and more for medium-well to well-done. The heat level of the grill/coals will dictate cooking time. Remember, this is a hard one to follow-up!

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