“I notice in your brain dead typical left wing journalists who have no clue about misery and suffering in America by Obama, but pretend too” “You are a disgrace as a writer with your lap dog suck up to the radical left wing democrats who are destroying Americans lives daily” “Learn the truth” “Obviously, Lynn Ashby is a SOLD OUT Liberal in OH-BLAMA’s Tent!!”
One of the joys of this job is hearing back from readers, and e-mail makes it so much easier. Now we can simply put on our bathrobe in the middle of the night, go to the computer in the cellar and anonymously write threatening messages to total strangers. It’s better than beating the wife and kicking the dog to vent our frustrations.
Here’s some more: (Editor, please don’t correct the letters, they add to the flavor.) “I wish Mr. Ashby would identify those he mentions so we could bar them from attending. If he won’t then, he’s a liar.” “I notice you didn’t say in one of those months Obama declares himself King since he spits on our system of government. Also Obama gives aways billions of tax payers money for political donors to start businesses which fail”
“One of your brain dead reporters actually forgot their lies, to support the radical far left Obama faithful and Dems, which goal is to shut down American jobs, stated the Earth was the coolest in many years in 2011. I thought your brethren said a reversal wasn’t possible under this scenario of Global Warming????? More lies”
“This is all scare tactics, which you have been brainwashed by the far left and cannot be honest with real truth because your peers will reject any objection to the far left religion” “Print the truth, don’t slander, there could be issues. I know, how you left wing journalists ,love to distort the truth against conservative thinking people, who go against your perverted left wing religion” “Let make it simple for your polluted, lying mind”
OK, I did mistake the mayor for a serial killer, and did wrongly call it “the police farce.” True, not all Texas legislators are thieves, traitors and bigamists, but I’ll bet some are. I meant to call you a “bastion of the community.” Sorry, but libel lawyers need to work, too.
Human nature is such that, when we read something we like or agree with, we nod our head in approval and turn the page. But if what we read is unsettling, we slam down the newspaper and head for the cellar PC. Journalists refer to such epistles as Dear-Sir,-you-cur letters. They go with the territory and actually we like them, except for the ones signed, “Love, Mother.” Besides journalists feel they serve a purpose, letting others vent their frustrations. But these people really need to get a life. They could be doing something useful. Think of the camaraderie and the knowledge of accomplishment of taking up another cause: adopt a highway.
I cannot tell you of the depression and frustration I feel. No, not of being on the receiving end of such diatribes, but seeing the bad spelling, terrible syntax, garbled facts, lack of punctuation and semi-literate outrage. Journalists go to college to make sure every word is perfect, every fact is double-checked. Then we ignore all of that and do as we please. (Sorry about leaving out the “not” before “guilty.”)
We really need a better class of insulters. These examples are so crude, so unsophisticated. “Your mother wears army boots” would be a step up. Where is Mark Twain when we need him? “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” And: “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” Theater critic Walter Kerr: “He had delusions of adequacy.”
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” — Clarence Darrow. And from Mae West: “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” Closer to home: “He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty.” That gem was the work of Sam Houston. President Abraham Lincoln is always portrayed a sorrowful figure, but he could insult with the best of them. To wit: “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”
On the other hand, be careful whom and what you insult: “We did not conceive it possible that even Mr Lincoln would produce a paper so slipshod, so loose-joined, so puerile, not alone in literary construction, but in its ideas, its sentiments, its grasp. He has outdone himself.” — Chicago Times on Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address (Nov. 19, 1863)
Bumper stickers can be real zingers. These are from the commie-pinko left, but no doubt the right has some, too “Tea Parties are for little girls with imaginary friends.” “Am I a liberal or just well educated?” and: “Voting is like driving a car. Choose (R) to move backward. Choose (D) to move forward.” Any of these is guaranteed to provoke road rage in my neighborhood.
The British have honed the well-sharpened insult to a science. There is this famous exchange between Winston Churchill and Lady Nancy Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.” Churchill replied, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” “A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”
A member of Parliament said to Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.” Finally, Oscar Wilde: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” Baba-boom!
A journalist’s standard reply to a toxic letter from a total stranger is, “Dear Sir, You may be right.” Don’t mention the bathrobe.
Ashby gets insulted at email@example.com